Asamee Blog

When I was in high school I worked as a head cook at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant. One night, just as closing time approached, I finished up all my work and went to tell the manager I was leaving. He, and a manager trainee, were getting ready to start the night's paperwork. The counter girl was about to lock the doors and then count her money.

I clocked out and headed for the front door. The counter girl was maybe ten feet behind me with the keys to lock the door after I left. As I left the front door of the restaurant, three young stocky men came into the door. I nodded and said hello as I passed them. I remember thinking, "Whoops, more customers. I guess they're not closing just yet." I was out of there, though, so I never looked back.

What I didn't know is that those three burly men were not last minute customers, but rather robbers who had come in to rob the restaurant. Just seconds after I passed them, they pulled a gun on the counter girl who was going out to lock the door. They then brought her into the back into the manager's office. They then made the manager open the safe then they beat him over the head with the gun butt, giving him a concussion. After gathering all the money, they locked the manager, manager trainee, and the counter girl in the freezer, where they were trapped until the other manager came in the next morning.

I went home and slept soundly, went to school the next day, and then after school I went in to work. That is when I finally found out about it. I was blown away by how close I came to being part of that little drama.

It was that counter girl who was telling me everything that happened. After recounting all the grisly details, she cocked her head to one side, and said, "You know, I'm glad you left just before it happened."

"Oh, why's that?"

"Cuz you would have tried to do something heroic and someONE would've gotten shot. You would've tried to take all three of those guys out."

My mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe she would think that. Didn't she know that I was an extreme pacifist? It shocked me to hear her say that, but it also made me think, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was correct. Subsequent experiences in my life have reiterated that fact.

I have come to realize that I have no doubt as to my ability to defend myself if my life were threatened. This doubt is easy to have when one has never exercised those defensive abilities. The reason I have no doubt is because I have experienced another aspect of myself that was an Indian warrior on the Great Plains during the White Man/Indian wars. I have experienced several very strong interfaces with his being; interfaces that were essentially a full stepping into his being, and having him step fully into me.

This other aspect was a warrior; a murderer. He killed hundreds of people. He was an utterly fearless warrior. He thought nothing of going up against a dozen adversaries all at once. He simply had no fear. I have felt his strength and his fighting spirit, and most of all his extreme fearlessness. It's one of the most intense things I've ever felt. If I am in danger I can call him forth and let him take over my body. He has stepped into my body before, and let me tell you, it is a mind-blowing and body-blowing experience. I never experienced fearlessness in this life until he stepped into my body. I never experienced such raw intense energy. I've never felt so invincible.

Imagine growing up an extreme pacifist with lingering subconscious memories of being a savage warrior who killed many people. This warrior aspect of mine has a lot to do with why I'm an extreme pacifist, and he is also a big reason I am able to be such a staunch pacifist. Feeling his warrior mojo intensified my pacifist leanings, but more importantly, it taught me a lot about fear. Overcoming fear is a huge part of being a successful warrior, but paradoxically it is also a huge part of being a successful pacifist.

Fear is what magnetically attracts to us that which we fear. So any self-defense we may need would only be a self-defense against our own fears. Any dragon we feel compelled to slay is only one of our own fears. Fears need not be slain; just merely let go of, and replaced with self-love...which every fear is designed to lead us back to. Not until we truly love our selves can we truly be pacifists. When we love our selves, and do not live in fear, then those fears will not present themselves as something to be slain. There is no need for violence or self-defense.

In a state of duality, one attracts that which one projects. Project violence; you get violence. Project fear; you get something to fear. Project love without fear, and get love without fear. Pacifism is not just about not hitting other humans, but it's also about being in a state of joy and love that only attracts more love and joy. When in this state of joy and love, one's guidance will make sure you are not in a place of danger. The vibrations will be very dissonant to you, and you'll just want to go somewhere else. Your house can be right atop an earthquake fault, but the day of the earthquake you'll get the urge to leave town. It won't be a fear, though; just an urge. A true pacifist must decipher between one's guidance and one's fear. Following one's fear will always eventually lead one to the object or subject of that fear. Following one's guidance leads us to the love and joy that is underneath all those fears. So pacifism has a lot to do with following our guidance and not giving into fear.

It was my guidance that kept me out of that restaurant robbery scenario (just barely). At the time I really didn't have any fear of that situation, so I didn't attract it directly to me. I'm sure the other people involved would say that they never intended to attract something like that to them, but it's not a matter of conscious intention so much as subconscious vibratory attraction. Our guidance will take us anywhere we want to go, but when we don't follow our guidance, fear kicks in and will lead us to the same love and joy and understanding that our guidance will lead us to, but it will lead us there through all those fears. Violence is not the pacifist's most imposing obstacle. It is, rather, fear. One cannot be a victim without fear.